Some one I knew a couple of years ago, passed away this weekend, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
He wasn’t really a friend, he wanted to be and I gave him that chance but something always felt off energetically speaking. Nice guy, deep seeded anger issues that manifested with snarky comments or borderline stalker behavior.
Not exactly the temperament I needed in my life at the time. I think it also had to do with an intuitive feeling that he was buying his time, being a friend, with a sexual relationship being his end game. His ultimate rejection manifesting unwarranted behavior and possible bullying.
Maybe I was wrong, maybe I read to much into his motives. Maybe he was the sweet guy who made me a happy birthday video after only knowing me a couple days.
I’d like to think that I’m wrong and all the people praising his niceness, and generosity are correct. The truth is, we both are, and we’re not at the same time. Continue reading
I was stood up. My first attempt at going on a date in, literally, years and the guy doesn’t show. Later he sends me a BS excuse about how his day was tough, or whatever, but the moment I realized that he wasn’t going to show I felt…relieved. Weird I know. Lol
Instead of crying, pouting and questioning the validity of my existence I blared my favorite bad ass musician P!nk as I drove the 40 minutes home. Later I propositioned some friends and ended up spending quality time with them, not bashing my would be suitor. The only mention of him was, “He stood me up.” and my friends shaking their heads and saying “dumbass.” Lol
The thing about this entire thing is my acceptance of it. I have had moments, in the past, when I burst into tears, feeling utterly rejected and questioning who I am; Heck I did that before the date, but more on that later, yet when my hopes for a connection with another person was dashed upon the rocks, I felt relieved, as if meeting him wasn’t important, but walking through that open door, taking the leap, was. Continue reading
“Why can’t you follow the rules?”
I don’t know, why can’t I?
Could it be because the rules you speak of are a series of ideologies based on your perspective of the world? Maybe it’s because I’m a rebel who lives to push the boundaries of society…oh wait I’m a social worker bound to specific rules of conduct. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand these rules you speak of, maybe I don’t agree with them or maybe just maybe, these rules were forged just for me to satisfy your need for superiority.
It’s common sense, you say, societies brand of conduct, a matter of right and wrong forged over generations.
Generations of what, I ask? The patriarchal white business men in their shiny mansions on the hill? The blue collar worker barely getting by, the minority or those labeled as much due to a past of servitude and shit jobs that someone had to do. But defiantly not the men on the hill.
You speak of right and wrong, so tell me, is the mother who sleeps with her children until they are ready to leave the nest wrong or cultural? Is the family of 5 that’s living in a one bedroom neglectful or practical given thier resources or place in life? What about the single mom who moved home so her daughter did not sleep on the street, is she still not providing for that daughter?
These questions I ask you are not right or wrong, neglectful or unrealistic, these questions are life. The lives of many all over this world, now you tell me; Why don’t I follow your rules for life.
I’ve lost 11lbs in about 3 months. Whats the key to my success, Patience.
Let me explain. I have a habit of setting unrealistic goals for myself and thus staying motivated for longer than a week can be a challenge because I burn out or lose motivation. To correct this I decided to make losing weight a healthy body habit, which requires patience because the results are slower yet are more likely to stay.
I started with watching what I ate and what I burned on a daily basic. I used Fitbit and My Fitness Pal to track this.
Daily I’d log my meals which gave me insight into how many calories I was ingesting everyday. (A quick McDs breakfast equaled half my daily recommended calories intake. I hope you enjoyed that sandwich because its all you get for the rest of the day, mwahahaha. Sigh. :( Continue reading
It’s late and I’m awake, Sigh. You’d think that after an active day, that included 30 minutes of cardio, I’d sleep like a baby…well lol, technically since I’m up in the middle of the night I did. But meh. :).
The thing is I’ve been waking up at odd hours for months now. According to an article I found, click here to read it, I maybe shifting into a more natural sleeping pattern, but I digress.
Bikers usually have a bad rep, you only need to watch a few episodes of SOA to get an idea of life as a rebel, but there is one thing that softens the toughest of men, and womens hearts and that’s the
abuse of a child.
I present to you a group of leather bound angels that use thier reputation for a good and worthy cause. :)
The group, also known as Bikers Against Child Abuse International or BACA, started in 1995 when its founder a Native American biker who went by the name Chief met a boy who had been severely abused. You can read more about BACAs founding here.
For the article that prompted this post, please click below. I hope you find it as bad ass awesome as I did. :)
Love & Light,
It’s funny how quickly I can get myself high, not by narcotic means but natural means. Like sitting at my desk and chanting in my head while relaxing. Not just any type of chanting but the names of Reiki symbols.
I am the mother of a 12-year-old girl in a society with a skewed view of beauty. Where magazine pictures are photoshopped to such an extent that it’s unrealistic if not impossible for a woman to attempt to copy with out the aid of a plastic surgeon. Teenage girls have always been affected by the beauty standards that the media presents, but the new cases for eating disorders has been on the rise since the 1950’s. This rise correlates with garment sizes getting smaller, in my opinion, I do not have the statistics to prove either way.
Seeing as how my daughter is a healthy height and weight, yet has also expressed believing that she was fat, I’ve been concerned about the possibilities of her developing an eating disorder, but recently she gave me a sigh of relief by showing me a music video. Continue reading
I got into an altercation with my ex-husband recently. He didn’t lay a hand on me, he hasn’t done that since our divorce was finalized, but he did kick me in the gut, metaphorically speaking. His words still sting and I still find myself wanting to either play the innocent victim or pushing back in a vain attempt to get him to see something that I know in my heart of hearts that he will never see. I think the strive for this winner-less goal is an unconscious effort to finally be accepted for who I am from the one man I tried to make a life with.
The truth is, I wasn’t the victim; I just thought I was. I unconsciously started the foray. I say unconsciously because in the moment I was peaceful, calm and felt that I was just asking questions not questioning his authority. I was maybe also a bit judgmental because as much as I want to move on from the past I can’t seem to because it always keeps popping up. As soon as I think that things are ok and we can get along reality steps in, the truth is revealed and I’m left trying to grasp a fantasy that will never be. Continue reading