Photo was found on: AMW Journal A Blog By Students in KU ENG 318 I do not know who the original artist is.
Jason Gideon: You know what program did the most harm to this country, in terms of crimes like this? Child abduction?
Det. Charlotte Russet: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Stranger danger.
Jason Gideon: Flooded the schools with it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I remember them coming to my classroom. It was Officer Friendly with stranger danger coloring books.
Jason Gideon: Taught a whole generation about a scary man in a trench coat, hiding behind a tree. Then we learned that strangers are only a… fraction of the offenders out there. Most are people you see every day – your family, your neighbors, schoolteachers. You know the rest. Prepared our children for 1% of the danger, made them more vulnerable to 99%. So we’ve been wrong before. All we can do is learn from it, and hopefully be better next time.
Criminal Minds, Season 1, Episode 12 What Fresh Hell
I feel like jumping onto the Bathroom Bandwagon and screaming, “Get over yourselves. These people are not going into the restroom to molest you. They just need to pee. It’s just that simple.”
One of my pet projects is equity rather than equality, for there is a difference in these words. Equity is fair, equality is equal.
Case and point:
I had a male client with a 1-year-old daughter. She needed her diaper changed and we were at the mall. The bathrooms were adjacent to each other, neither had an entry door, and both were identical in design, with a baby changing station at the entrance. The actual facilities were a few feet behind the station, so whomever used it faced the wall and not the inside of the restroom.
Continue reading “Who’s Using Your Bathroom”
Photo: Cherry Blossom by Christoph Rupprecht using a CC BY-SA 2.0
About two days after my break up the local spiritual shop was having a psychic fair, so I went for a reading. It was the first reading I had, in about 6 months. I usually do not get readings more than once a year, mainly because I have learned over the years how to tap into my intuition, but sometimes I go just for the fun of it, or to validate what I already knew, but sometimes when my emotions are involved I find that it’s best to seek a neutral party. What I wasn’t expecting, from this reading, was for the psychic to not only be happy for me but ecstatic. As if losing my ex was the best thing in the world. I couldn’t help but stare at her, dumbfounded.
Here I am heartbroken crying and this lady is telling me that losing him was the best thing that could ever happen to me. There’s going to be Big. Exciting. Changes.. and I’m going to meet someone else and yada yada yada… it just didn’t feel right at all. I just lost the man who I loved more than anyone else in the world and you’re telling me that, losing him is a good thing? I.. I didn’t know how to address that.
Today, April 13th, I feel as if something has changed in me. As I have been living my life, healing, focusing on my writing and hitting the gym on a regular basis something shifted and for the first time in a long time I feel like I’m blossoming.
Continue reading “Blossoming”
Photo: Spring in New Zealand by Abaconda Management Group is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0
Spring is finally here and it’s hot. It feels more like summer actually, but the breezes are cool and the birds are out, filling the air with their songs and the trees are starting to bud. Life is good. :)
I’m doing pretty good. The heat reminds me of last summer/fall but I don’t really miss him right now. I feel like he’ll always be with me, like so many exes are, but for today at least, I don’t feel sad.
I pulled an Angel card, a couple of minutes ago, and got Recovery, which feels about right.
I think I’ve grown a lot over the last two months. I don’t necessarily feel like I can take on the world, but I do feel like I can move forward. As I write this a nugget in my heart, that misses him, dislodged itself, prompting me to feel the emotion. But I’m ok with that. It hurts but nothing I can not handle. My sense of peace is still intact. Continue reading “Acceptance”
Photo: Evening Sky Taken by: Jodie Nicole
I’m grateful to ALL of the people who have reached out to me, in one way or another over the last couple of weeks. I am so very grateful to them. I don’t know if they understand just how much their hugs, likes, comments, conversations, checking in on me or sending me something because they thought it would make me smile, means to me. I am so blessed.
Traditionally, I have made it a point to grieve alone. I didn’t want to be a burden so I kept most of what I was feeling to myself. This shutting down kept people at a distance and made it harder for me to heal. It was also the root to my depression, self-loathing, suicidal thoughts and self-harm inclinations. All things that I have been seeing a therapist for, over the last 5 years. I’m happy to say that none of those negative traits have plagued me since I’ve been grieving. I think you, this blog, and my own inner strength had something to do with that. I also know my ex did too. He some how smashed his way through my walls. His patience and love helped me want to get rid of them once and for all, and I was actively working on accomplishing that goal when our relationship ended. It would have been so easy for me to snap those walls back up as soon as he left, but he asked me to promise to take care of myself, so I have.
Continue reading “Thank you!”
When I walked into work today the receptionist, a dear friend, took one look at me and said, “Did you find peace?”
I couldn’t help but pause and smile as this simple thought entered my head; Did I find peace? The only thing I thought to tell her was, Yes, Yes I did, before walking back to my desk with a smile.
The thing is, I don’t know where I found it. When the hurt and the pain melted away, for yesterday I was crying and today… well peace seems to be all over my face. The only thing I can think of, that has helped bring about this peace was, this blog.
Being honest and open on this blog is really the only things I’ve been doing differently other than going to the gym. So maybe it’s the combo of the physical, mental and emotional healing between these two hobbies. Or maybe it’s something else. The fact that I’ve been more positive towards myself and that I don’t care who reads this.
Continue reading “Peace-the devil is in the details”
I’m finally going to be an Auntie!!! As I write this one of my closest friends/sister from another mother is going into labor with her first child. Unfortunately, I am not able to be with her for this momentous event, but alas, I can plan to be down there soon. I’ve already started looking at flights for the last week of May.
I am the oldest of three so hopefully someday, I’ll have blood related nieces and nephews, but for now her little bundle of joy will have to do. Not that I’m complaining, this kids’ going to have all kinds of Aunts and Uncles, which is funny since she and her hubby are only children. (Well she was, until she turned 18 and found out her mother was pregnant with her brother, but meh, lol)
What I find interesting about all of this is how much, American culture, I guess, has changed over the years. In that, blood doesn’t always mean relationships, and some of the closest families do not have a drop of shared blood. They say you choose your friends, not your family, but I beg to differ, for now days that doesn’t seem to be true either. Granted there will always been the blood relations that you call family, but many people have also branched out to call close friends family also and these family members seem to work parallel with traditional family roles.
Love n Light,
PS. I figured this was more important than what I had scheduled to publish today, so I’ve pushed everything back. Not that you care anymore about my other issues. I know I’m for the most part, over it. Miss him, yes, still beat myself up on occasion, yes, talking to close friends about it, of course, but over writing about it, Definitely. Everything else will fade with time.
Photo: Dreamcatcher by Jodie Nicole
It’s hard not to beat myself up when I think back to the last week we were together. There were times when I was not at my best, where I shut down or became selfish, where I didn’t allow myself to shine, be childish, or even take on an air of whimsical when I knew I normally could or would. But at the same time I was worried about money. My mileage check, a sizable amount that I had planned to use to fund my trip and pay for his birthday treat, had not arrived on time, thus delaying my planned departure time and prompting me to borrow money for the trip. This caused my ex and I got into a little bit of a tiff. I did not want to borrow the money, I figured I’d wait the extra day for my check to arrive and then I’d leave for his place. He didn’t like the idea of me leaving so late in the day and thought I should just borrow the money so I could get on the road. In the end, he was right. It turns out that my check was mailed 9 days after it was cut, instead of the customary 1 day, and did not arrive until the day before I came home.
Money was probably the biggest wedge between us because it drove up my feelings of resentment. Especially when things he said he bought me never appeared. I wanted the Christmas present he told me that he ordered…then it was on back order…then the retailer wasn’t making it anymore…so he canceled the order…and who knows what he did with the money he used to purchase it in the first place. I wanted the Southern gift basket full of little things like grits and sweet tea, that he told me he was putting together..he was going to wait to send it to me when the Christmas present arrived… and then it promptly disappeared. I wanted the little things, nothing big or expensive just…something I didn’t buy, that I could take home and show my friends and family.
Continue reading “Money issues…relationship issues…”
I’ve been having a problem with work lately. I don’t know if I’m getting bored, if apart of me just doesn’t care anymore, if I’m just not finding the joy I use to find, or maybe I’m just in a slump due to other things going on in my personal life. Whatever the reason I find that I want to spend my time writing to you guys rather then doing case notes or other things I’m suppose to do for work. Which is probably not a good thing.
I know apart of it is my desire to heal and blogging is my way of coping, or allowing myself to stay open when I so desperately want to shut down, cut everybody and everything out of my life and ball myself up into my own little world. But at the same time in a spiritual/personal growth sense, I can’t take that route anymore.
Continue reading “Turtle girl-Spiritual growth”
He’s fading, his essence, his touch, the sound of his voice is fading into the background.
I desperately want to cling, to just grab on, to hold on tight, but I can’t.
It won’t do me any good, it will just keep me in limbo forever.
For I have to be like the girl with the balloon, just watch them go away.
My hope with it for I have no control over the situation.
All I can do is let go, and watch.
Let those precious memories fade into the distance.
Love n Light,
Photo from the 1944 movie, Gaslight. Pictured is Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer.
Gaslighting: To manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Something I have been, hesitant to talk about is the moments when something did not feel right between my ex and I. What I mean is that something he said didn’t feel right to me as if it contradicted something he had already told me. I began to question whether I heard him wrong, was remembering things wrong, or was being lied to. It was little things, things that really shouldn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but when they kept popping up I also felt my walls go up and part of me started questioning whether the relationship should continue. I never doubted my love for him, but these things itching at the back of my brain where hard to shake.
Our last week together was packed full of a variety of emotions for me. I was extremely happy for the most part, but other feelings crept in too. I occasionally felt guarded, depressed, content, annoyed, and at one point I was angry with him but mostly I was angry at myself. I didn’t like that I wasn’t trusting him as much as I wanted to, mainly because of the little things I mentioned above.
It’s funny because as much as I wanted to fully open up to him, and allow myself to be 100% vulnerable with him, apart of me wouldn’t allow it. I just didn’t trust those little details that nagged at the back of my brain. I wonder now if those little details were red flags that my intuition was sending off, or just my fears of rejection and betrayal that I have been tackling forever. I guess I’ll never know.
What I do know is that there were issues between us in regards to money and the fact that I had it and he did not. Continue reading “Gaslighting-Character”